Wise Words To Live By

1. Sex is like air. Its not important unless you aren't getting any.

2. No one is listening until you fart.

3. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

6. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

7. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

8. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

9. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

10. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

11. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on the ass. Then things get worse.

12. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.